Making Friends and Socialising: School vs. Homeschool
One of the first questions I get when people find out I homeschool is, “But what about socialisation?” It’s a good question—kids need friends, they need connection, and they need to learn how to get along with others. But honestly, the more I’ve watched how socialization happens in schools compared to homeschooling, the more I realize how flawed the school system is when it comes to teaching kids how to build healthy relationships.
The Reality of Socialising in School
Let’s be real—school is not the natural, friendly environment we like to think it is. Kids are grouped together based solely on their age and are stuck in classrooms for hours every day, surrounded by the same people. That might seem fine on paper, but think about it: how often in real life are you only around people your exact age?
Worse, they’re expected to get along with everyone, even if some of those people are mean, rude, or just plain difficult. In the adult world, if we don’t like someone, we can set boundaries or limit contact. In school? Your child has no choice. They’re forced into a social situation where they have little control, and that can lead to all kinds of negative behaviors.
What I’ve Seen Firsthand
I’ve seen it over and over again with friends whose kids started school. Within a year, their children were already dealing with gossip, cliques, and peer pressure. Suddenly, they were obsessed with who had what, who was popular, and even talking about boyfriends, girlfriends, and kissing—at six or seven years old!
The emotional changes are shocking, too. Kids come home exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed because they’re constantly navigating a world where they don’t always feel safe or supported. Tantrums, whining, and emotional outbursts are often a direct result of the pressure they’re under all day.
Let’s not even get started on bullying. The school environment doesn’t just tolerate it—it often encourages it. Kids quickly learn that to “fit in,” they sometimes have to put others down or join in mean behaviors.
Homeschooling: A Better Way to Build Social Skills
In homeschooling, it’s completely different. My kids don’t have to deal with toxic friendships or peer pressure. They’re free to build relationships that are positive and supportive. And if something doesn’t work out with a certain group or activity? We just don’t go back.
Natural, Healthy Socialization
Homeschooling is much more like real life when it comes to socializing. My kids interact with people of all ages—siblings, neighbors, friends from church, grandparents, you name it. This teaches them to communicate with everyone, not just kids their own age.
They’re also not forced to be in situations that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If someone’s being mean or excluding them, we move on. They don’t have to stay in that toxic environment and figure out how to “survive” like they would in school.
Real Friendships Over Peer Pressure
What I love most about homeschooling is that my kids’ friendships are real. They’re not based on who’s the most popular or who has the best toys. They’re based on shared interests and kindness. My kids can be themselves without feeling pressured to fit into someone else’s mold.
And because they’re not exposed to the constant gossip and drama of school life, they’re able to develop strong emotional control. They don’t come home crying because someone called them a name or excluded them from a game. They’re learning how to handle conflict in a healthy way, with me there to guide them when they need help.
What About Social Skills?
Here’s the truth: kids don’t need school to learn how to socialize. They just need real-world opportunities to interact with others. Homeschooling gives them that, and honestly, it does a better job.
My kids learn social skills by:
• Playing with friends at co-ops and church events.
• Helping younger siblings or neighbors with tasks.
• Talking to adults at the grocery store, library, or wherever we go.
They’re learning how to have conversations, solve problems, and get along with others in real-life situations—not some artificial setup where they’re stuck in a room with 30 other kids their age.
The Bigger Picture
Homeschooling lets me protect my kids from negative influences while still giving them plenty of opportunities to build friendships. I’ve seen the difference firsthand between homeschooled kids and kids who go to school. Homeschooled kids tend to be more mature, more confident, and better at handling conflict. They don’t deal with the same levels of peer pressure, gossip, or bullying.
Meanwhile, school often brings out the worst in kids—not because they’re bad, but because the environment teaches them to survive in ways that aren’t always kind.
Socialization isn’t about being around as many people as possible. It’s about the quality of those interactions. Here are 7 ways to get your kids to socialise while choosing to homeschool:
- Homeschool groups – With homeschool being more popular now there are groups popping up everywhere. Our local groups have weekly meet ups at the park, just to let our kids play and explore together
- Co-ops – joining a co-op is a great way to get your children around other kids and learn to work together or alongside others. If there are no co ops you could always start one!
- Classes – Sports, dance, gymnastics, art classes,
- Library classes – Local libraries often have free or low cost groups for craft, games, and different activities.
- Play dates – like if a child is at school and finds a good friend it’s a great idea to meet up 1 on 1 with kids that your child enjoys being with.
- Church – aside from the Sunday Chuch meeting, many churches have kids and youth programs that’s are also low or no cost.
- The park – just heading to the park can be another great way to get your children around other around other kids.
